I know that you never expected to be here right now. You never imagined - the possibility didn't cross your mind - that your partner could be unfaithful, your spouse had an affair. You are in unspeakable pain. And you feel broken. And angry. And you are crying much of the day, every day. Things feel unsafe and nothing makes sense. You can't see how you will get through this. But you can get through this.
Or perhaps you are the partner who was unfaithful. You are likely feeling shame and guilt, and the fact that your spouse knows your secret has thrown everything into a spin. You don't want your spouse to be hurting and you don't know how to move forward. But you can move forward.
Extramarital relationships, or affairs, are the leading reason that couples seek therapy. And the overwhelming majority of couples who get competent help, remain married and have a stronger marriage for the work. But healing takes time and requires work.
If you are one of these spouses you can take steps now to begin to heal. An important step would be to seek the assistance of an experienced therapist. You are likely having a hard time talking things through with your spouse. Having someone to guide you through the terrain of healing from infidelity is very helpful. The things to look for in choosing a therapist are outlined well in an article written by Michelle Weiner Davis, MSW, interantionally renowned relationsship expert, marital therapist and author.
The link to this article is found here.
Other resources include:
Healing from Infidelity, Michelle Weiner Davis
Living & Loving after Betrayal, Steven Stosny, PhD
After the Affair, Janis A. Spring
You marriage is important. Infidelity does not have to be the end. You can come out on the other side whole, happy and strong.